I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
