Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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