Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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