after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
