my mouth tastes like poor choices
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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