God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
