Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
