I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
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