I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
