Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize