Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize