I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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