Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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