Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
