Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
