I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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