3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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