ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
