Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
