So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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