So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
