He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
