my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need to calm my uterus...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
