Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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