u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize