So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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