I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
