is your mom at the bar?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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