Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
