im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
