oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
