Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
