oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
