Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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