Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize