Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
