No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My cat gives me a boner
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
