I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
