I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
