I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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