So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize