how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
