i think i have two assholes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
