And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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