Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
