once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
