Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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