but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
