i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
