First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
