just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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