You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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