OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
