got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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