I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
