my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
