how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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