There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
