TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
