im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
