he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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