This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
