Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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