Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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