Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
