I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
