Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
